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How I Was Supposed To Behave

by Aquasun

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1.
Intro 01:24
And ember will rebel, surrender not. Quivering air will swallow it but it will not surpass. United feelings form the strongest knot, Acknowledging is often late, alas. Suppose I’ve missed so much that's truly golden. Dot. Unfortunate result. And I'm unsure if there is something more to meet my reach or grasp. Now I am whole, because of this. Remember colour of the skies, forget me not. Horizon now's just like a bus stop. Oh, look, my ride has reached its destination. Whatever that I thought I'd drop, I'm looking at it, as I leave the station. Withering plants have grown to life of green As far as I can see, as far as gray is lit by sun. So far this timeframe lasts. I mean…
2.
Golden 04:10
something i didn’t know is falling from my hands. i wish i were smarter. i’m the one who’ll miss the chance. truly golden. blissful and kind. i wish i could make the time rewind. always ignored what’s needed to be put on the highest shelf. something i will regret long after it reveals itself. truly golden. blissful and kind. i wish i could make the time rewind. i don’t know what brings you here to me. maybe smth new? let me know. we forgot us in the past. the future hits my core. now we hope this day will last forevermore.
3.
Behave 03:38
snowing in May. and i may not or may come over to you to tell all before my time of year is just another fall. i didn’t want it to end this way. now i almost understand how i was supposed to behave. i didn’t want it to end this way. colour of leaves turns yellow after green youth leaves. sudden mellow moods will not heal what was crushed, even though it was not yet real. i didn’t want it to end this way. now i almost understand how i was supposed to behave. i didn’t want it to end this way.
4.
Lit 01:33
it’s too much. i’m awake for too long. smth i won’t be again, because good things won’t repeat. this room was never lit. sun is just a stain. i’m in my head, in apparent dread that you’ll no longer brighten walls of this house and there’s no hope. that is ok. that’s dope. i’m awake… I’M AWAKE! what is sun? sun is just a stain, hanging too far from me to sustain. my sky was so clean then, you just made it dirty. no regrets.
5.
Simple 03:44
i’ve been here before: this feeling like i am not what i should’ve been, smth you can’t adore. simple is complex. i tried to find your heart, but you hid it in your decks. trembling thoughts pass through my tranquil dreams of being placid and still in my daily mess. it seems vast. i’ll eventually explode like a grenade and regress. what if you were me? would you see smth worth in these truly senseless and surely surreal place of abandoned dreams? you are in luck if you’re finding smth worth… trembling thoughts pass through my tranquil dreams of being placid and still in my daily mess. it seems vast. i’ll eventually explode like a grenade and regress. you’re crushed. you’ve realized: nothing’s really that important. little’s worth your angst. nothing is disguised. nothing’s immortal. you are my last chance. ardent thoughts pass through my tranquil dreams of being placid and still in my daily mess. it seems vast. i’ll eventually explode like a grenade and regress.
6.
Stop 03:32
once i slept bad. if by once we mean each time i'm up from that curse. down is up if we are living in an absurd world. where everything will happen in reverse, which doesn't seem so fake to me. so i'm glad... stop. stop and lemme breathe. just stop and lemme think for a little bit. i don't know what i want for sure. i think i wanna know how to walk away without thinking at all. often i stand feeling all these kinds of different thorns, and all of them i drew for you on this piece of paper. later, oh, i took the chance and showed you what i somehow/ merely hide with my ribs.
7.
IDK 02:50
i want out. i will be a missing link. i’m worn out. i forgot about the things i used to think in my secret place that no one knows about. all those colours were a brighter ink. what if indeed what if indeed idk idk what If indeed what if indeed idk idk my boat has sunk. what is the point of swimming upstream where the oceans suck? and they all are full of “fish” that i don’t need. in my living room that no one knows about i will remain in an endless dream. what if indeed what if indeed idk idk what If indeed what if indeed idk idk what If indeed what if indeed idk idk
8.
Box 03:10
i don’t even know how to tell you, so I’ll probably will do what I have always done in these circumstances: i will throw a glance, quickly speaking, slowly thinking… i just wanna sleep… i just want to feel completely peaceful… i left it all inside. i left it all inside that box that is my brain. and maybe i’ll manage to throw out some things that are like rocks that bring me down again.
9.
Outro 01:42
So many things, but now I'm done. Unwritten thoughts will perish quickly. Persistence sometimes helps, except Perhaps it shouldn't go as swiftly. Of course it's never like you've dreamt. Surrounded by the days like twins. Erratic state. My box is full of broken things. Damn… I’d only keep the ones to which my heart leans. Tomorrow I'll forget the thoughts that matter, Ongoing doubt that makes me stutter Becomes a constant, like a weather trait, a fog. Either of ways I’ll turn it always comes along. How complex is being simple. Had I known how I was supposed to behave. A silly thought: I'm deaf to my old wave. Vacation calls and I can't stay. Either I go or idk.

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released May 11, 2019

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Aquasun Vologda, Russia

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